My Precious Mackenna Hope

My precious Mackenna Hope, I love you so much! You are so beautiful inside and out. When did this beautiful young woman emerge from my very quiet, dark haired, dark eyed little angel? The time has moved too swiftly and I will forever miss your younger days even as I enjoy the days that are here now. You are the quiet one in our big, loud family and sometimes I wonder if you were quiet when you were younger because there was never much time for you to get a word in with everyone else talking at once, but you are still the quietest one to this day, so I think it is just the way God, in His perfect wisdom, created you.

Mackenna, you are my child who knows exactly what your brain type is (ISFJ) and can explain exactly how and why you respond the way you do to any given situation.

You take in your surroundings, but you never let anyone know all that you are thinking. You are the rarest of all jewels. You love your family, cookie dough, pop tarts, mozzarella sticks, ranch dressing, Dr. Pepper and milk. You are a trusted friend to those you are close to and if someone is fortunate enough to have gained your trust for you to confide in, they should know that they have been given a great honor and they are a part of a chosen few.

 Mackenna, you are one of the reasons I stay up so late at night because that's when you open up and that's when you really start to talk. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love the bond you have with your friends and with our family. You and Destiny share so much and I realize from looking at all of the pictures that we have been compiling that you have always been hanging out together. You have always been coupled together in our family as the “little girls”. You share the “little girl’s” room where all of your clothes and special things are… and you share the “little girl’s” second room where your beds are… and you even share the couches downstairs where you actually fall sleep almost every night. One of my favorite bedtime memories of recent months are all of the nights that you and destiny would lay your heads on my lap and fall asleep while I would sing to you both. I love all of our traditions. I love that you have to be the last one for me to sing to at night and the last one to kiss me good-bye or goodnight. I love that we have our own secret little handshake-kiss that we have shared for most of your life. I love how supportive and encouraging you are to me, also.

You enjoy life and you always have. I love that you are constantly sharing music with me and showing me what songs you like. I love to watch when you get that little gleam in your eye and all of the sudden you begin to lip-synch to whatever song comes on. I always have to stop whatever I am doing so I can watch you because you are just so adorable.

You are, in some ways, a complicated mystery, but in other ways, you are completely uncomplicated. You see things in black and white and you are passionate about the truth. You are also a passionate care giver which you exemplify by the wonderful way you take care of Emily and Sam’s children as well as when you consistently and sacrificially took care of Loressa after her car accident. You are also passionate in what you believe in and you care deeply for others. One of your dreams is to someday work with an organization like A21 to help rescue children and women who have been taken into slavery and bondage. You want to make known the suffering of those who have no voice to be heard and I’m so proud of you for that.

You were always and still are the child who does not live by the clock. You have your own timetable. You always take the time to do your devotional and write in your journal even if it is well beyond the hour that you should still be awake. You also take the time to listen to others. You are not usually in a hurry where an important conversation needs to happen whether you are listening to your nieces and nephew or friends or family.

You are my little introvert in midst of quite a few extroverts…You are also my fellow hoarder of all things sentimental and important, even if you are the only one who considers it important. This includes the hoarding of pictures-whether you are talking about actual photos or the colored on pictures made by Violet, Henry and Ruby and someday, Lilac. It even includes messages, the ones on your iPod and also the wonderful notes you have been given by others. 

I wouldn’t trade anything for all the time we have had together and if I could change anything it would be to slow down time so I could spend more time with you and make even more special memories together.

Mackenna, you never ask for anything. You always seem happy with what you have and with who you are which makes you a wonderful person to be around. You make it very easy to love you…I’m so thankful that I get to be your mother.

How God Took Care Of Us Through Each Of You!

For almost the last three months our lives have centered around taking care of Loressa. In the beginning, we sat at the hospital night and day and spent our moments praying and fully focused on her care and her recovery. Our family stayed on task and that task was making sure her every need was met. It was a time of intensely leaning on the Lord. It will always be a time that I will look back on and remember the way that God took care of our every need.

When thinking about the way that I felt throughout the beginning days and weeks following her accident, I’m reminded that I really had no needs that were not taken care of.  Every time I needed to eat, someone fed me. Every time I needed encouragement, someone spoke blessings and encouragement to me. Every time I needed to know that my other children and grandchildren were being taken care of, someone jumped in to take care of them. God constantly met our needs through the people he sent to minister to us. I’m amazed at how many people invested in our family and how many people helped to facilitate our ability to care for her and also stay close as a family. So many people took care of us during that time and by taking care of us, they took care of Loressa. As some of you know, family means a lot to me. I glean a lot of strength from my family being together. It gives me comfort and a sense of belonging when our family gets to sit together for a meal or sit around a room sharing what we are thankful for or even singing together around Loressa’s bed at night. So many people helped to give me that comfort by working so hard to keep my family taken care of.

I wish I could thank everyone personally for the beautiful way we were taken care of, but I just don’t think I really can thank everyone sufficiently. I have the thank you notes. I even have some stamps, but my words seem extremely insignificant and trite in comparison with all that was done for us. At this point, my thank you notes will quite possibly not get written and I’m going to have to believe that all that everyone did, they did out of the kindness of their hearts and their obedience to the Lord and that they will understand my inability to respond properly. My heart is thankful and encouraged with the response of everyone who touched us during these days. I think, for much of the time, I saw the beautiful end result of your faithfulness to care for us, but I was unaware of so many details that others were taking care of. My focus was Loressa and, because of the kindness shown to us, I was able to keep that focus. I can’t imagine the chaos that I would have felt if the rest of my world had not come to my rescue and made it possible for me to just be a mom.

So many people cared for us. So many people shared about Loressa and intentionally told her story so that others would pray. So many of you prayed for her and even specifically for me. If you prayed for us, thank you! If you fed us, thank you! If you gave money or gift cards, thank you! If you sat and did word searches in the lobby to keep my family company, thank you! If you sent gifts, thank you! If you made her things with your own hands, thank you! If you came to visit, thank you! If you paid for our hotel room, thank you! If you graciously made my life better in any way, thank you! If you moved my furniture and put wooden floors to make it easier on her wheelchair, thank you! If you offered to help, but I never got back to you, thank you for understanding! If you cleaned my house and organized my mess, thank you! You all know who you are and I wish so badly that everyone who participated in blessing us in the ways I have mentioned and in the ways that I have left out would read this and know that you made a difference in our lives. I know that it won’t make it to everyone, but I sure wish you all would know how thankful I truly am!

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you! You have filled our lives with your love and we are forever changed because of it!

Trusting Him in the Deep Water

I've been thinking about the things that have happened in our family and what we have been going through lately because of Loressa's accident and throughout her recovery...I thought I'd share a little bit on here about one of the things I've been learning. I'm sure it's nothing earth shattering to anybody else, but it was a really good thing for me to figure out. As many of you know, we have been attempting to trust in the Lord throughout this journey and we have tried to rely on Him and take each day as it comes. Although we have failed many times, God has been faithfully walking us through this whole process.  


Recently, I was singing along to a worship song that we often sing called "Oceans" by Hillsong." (Read the lyrics to the song at the end of this post and what I have written might make more sense.) The lyrics took on a clearer meaning to me than ever before and, although I have always loved the song, I feel like it finally made much more practical sense to me. The lyrics talk about God calling us out into the deep of the ocean and it compares struggles to the waves in the ocean....I feel like God, through this whole experience, has called us (my family and me especially) out to the deep water to give us an opportunity to really trust Him.


 I'm reminded of Peter from the Bible and of the time when he had the opportunity to walk on the water. He could walk on the water when his eyes were above the waves and fixed on Jesus, but as soon as he looked at his circumstances (the waves) instead of Jesus, he could no longer walk on the water. It was then that Peter called to Jesus to save him and Jesus reached out His hand and did just that (Matthew 14:22-33).... I know that I, personally, and possibly we as a family would never deliberately choose to be in the deep waters, but if Jesus calls us to come out, we should go to Him. Our tendency would always be to stay in shallow water where our feet are always touching the bottom. If we are touching the bottom, we can trust in something that we can feel and see. We don't really have to place our trust in The Lord because we can trust in ourselves, but out in the deep we must experience His grace in order to survive. We have to trust His sovereign hand or we won't know which way to go.


I realize that The Lord doesn't have to take us deeper. He could allow us to stay stagnant in the shallow water, but if we let Him, he'll take us deeper than we could ever wander on our own in order that He increase our faith. We can't even increase our faith on our own, He has to take us to a deeper level, we can't even fathom what that looks or feels like until He takes us there and then, even in the deep where He has taken us, if we fail and falter and take our eyes off of Him for even a moment, He (Jesus) reaches out his hand and rescues us again. He knows we can't survive otherwise.


I think that is a little of what I've been feeling... We are in the deep water. We didn't choose to go there on our own, but He called us because He wanted us to come. We get the privilege of walking in the deep with Jesus. The bridge to the song says, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you may call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander that my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." I've sung that so many times...I guess now I realize what I was really asking for through those lyrics and I'm thankful that He has brought me here. 



When Jesus reached out and rescued Peter, He said, "Oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?"...Why do we ever doubt? He has proven in scripture and in our own lives that He has never failed us and He won't start failing us now. He is trustworthy...He is faithful.


                                               "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

Thankfulness

I kept thinking that I might chime in on all of the wonderful daily thankful posts on Facebook, but alas, I kept procrastinating. I think I may have told you all before that my family has a tradition of doing what we call our "thankfuls" quite often. We used to do them at the end of every day, but for the last year or so, we mostly do them on Monday nights as we all sit around the table at dinner. We go around and everyone tells one or more things that they are thankful for. It's not very hard and it is a constant reminder that we are all very blessed and we all have soooooo much to be thankful for. Today, I think I'll begin my list of thankfuls that could have been posted daily in November....Here it goes.....

#1-I'm thankful God chose me and loves me.

#2-I'm thankful that John chose me and loves me even though I am often not very lovable. My middle name is Rose, and that mostly means that you have to put up with all of the thorns. I know that I don't deserve you which makes me even more thankful! I love you.

#3-I'm thankful for my first born daughter, Emily. I love that you are my friend and that, because of you, I have a son-in-law and two grand babies.  I love to watch you with them...You remind me of me when you were little...and those memories are precious to me.

#4-I'm thankful for my son-in-law, Sam. How wonderful you are to my Emily and what a great father you are to my grand babies! God placed you in Emily's life at the perfect time and I'm so thankful that I get to love you, too.

#5-I'm thankful for my second daughter, Loressa. What a treasure you are! I love the wonderful, strong woman you have become. You amaze me in every way. I'm so thankful that you allow God to use you...I miss you terribly!

#6-I'm thankful for my first born son, Halton. You have taught me so much about how to trust the Lord in EVERY situation. I love our long talks and how we "get" each other. I love that you find joy in music and I'm so thankful to share the gift of music with you.

#7-I'm thankful for my middle child, Bethany. You have the purest of hearts! I think everyone should want to be like Bethany! I enjoy my special driving time everyday with you and I love that you listen for God's voice above every other voice-even above mine:)

#8-I'm thankful for my second son, Hunter. What would I ever be able to do without you? You are becoming such a Godly young man. You challenge me and encourage me. You make me laugh and you put me in my place all the time. You are a perfect picture of what a servant looks like. I'm so glad that I get to see that every day!

#9-I'm thankful for my precious Mackenna. I wouldn't be a very good care giver to Violet and Henry without you. You pour yourself into them and do so much of the hard work that allows me to love on them that much more. I love that you still sing with me every night and that you do all that I ask of you and more. You are so sensitive to God's leading in your life and I get to see, first hand, what an encouragement you are to others.

#10-I'm thankful for my precious Destiny Faith. You were my very special gift from God to allow me the joy of still having a young one in the house. God knew how much I would need that. You bring me joy and love. I love how your hand fits inside of mine. I love that you still blow straws on me at chick fil a and get out on my side of the van. You make me very happy.

#11-I'm thankful for my parents, Clyde and Nancy Jeffus, who love me unconditionally and have shown me what it means to give of yourself. You have shown me what a faithful marriage looks like with your 58 years of marriage and still holding hands and taking care of each other. You are my heroes and I want to grow up and be just like you!

#12-I"m thankful for my sisters, Becky Terry and Tricia Deaver, I'm so thankful that we are friends and that I know I will always have your love. It gives a girl a source of strength knowing she can turn to her sisters if and when she needs to. I love you both!

#13-I'm thankful for my husbands parents, family and extended family. They love me and my children and take me as I am, with all of my many flaws. I'm so thankful for that.

#14-I'm thankful for my two GRANDbabies! I'm so thankful that they live nearby and that I get to help take care of them have them in my life. Their smiles and love are all a grandma could ever ask for.

That brings me up to today...I may have left a lot of things and people out, but...November isn't over. I still have lots of days of thankfulness left, but, of course, I actually have all year to proclaim it because thankfulness is a way of life, not just a few statements in November.

I hope that you are thankful about the many wonders in life that God has brought your way and if you have trouble thinking about what to be thankful for...look to your left and then to your right and then right in front of you. I'm sure you will find something to be thankful for!  

Love to you all,
Pam